Meeting During Arrange Marriage Process-1

It’s been already 5 months to my marriage and 1 year ago this was the time when my arrange marriage process was going on according to flowchart of arrange marriage process. As I was away from my parents so firstly I have to meet girl’s family or sometimes directly to the girl if she was also away from her parents. But, this post and further posts on this topic will contain my funny (or weird) meeting experience with family members of those potential prospective candidates _{naah… I should say} brides.

On a fine sunny Sunday my meeting was fixed at my home with the parents of a girl from Delhi. They insisted to come to my place, may be they want to see how this bachelor is keeping up his home or may be my living standard. Although the maid came that day but I was more conscious about cleanliness and other stuff ;) after all first impression sometimes matters a lot. I got call from them and I went down to receive them as finding my flat is a tricky task apart from hit and trial method (yes, the society in which I am residing has a very weird nomenclature for numbering flats i.e. flat 806,606 and 506 are not at floor 8,6 and 5 respectively but they are on floor 7. So, first time  whosoever comes to our society had a very hard time finding a flat).

When I saw their car approaching towards me my face grew a small smile and my body language started changing to show my humbleness. When their car with black tinted window glasses stopped first I saw front door opening then back door followed by driver’s front door and then again back door. For that moment I said “OMG, they are more than two people” and then “So, they are four people…abe bacche ki jaan loge kya…..4 bade log and main akela…aaj to beta Ankit accha interview hone waala he”. While exchanging greetings one thing struck my mind “They didn’t told me that four people are coming and I have made arrangements for 3, let’s see how it goes..”.

After everyone got settled girl’s uncle (paternal uncle and aunt were accompanied with parents of girl) opened the discussion with question

Uncle: What is the meaning of Ankit?

My Mind: What?? Is this the kind of question somebody ask in the meeting for arrange marriage?

Avoiding my facial expression on this question and maintaining that small smile on my face I said

Me: It’s meaning is printed.

Uncle: hmm. So, what is the reason behind giving your matrimonial advertisement in newspaper?

My Mind: Bechara kuch samajh hi nahin paaya so it asked me to say something to avoid dumb situation.

Me: Sorry, I didn’t get you.

Uncle: I mean, generally people look for matrimonial matches through reference of their relatives and they put their add on newspaper and on Internet as a last option.

My Mind: Accha to ye matlab he is question ka. Abe!! yahi same question to main bhi in se pooch sakta hoon. Are they not getting a good match for their daughter or they are completely exhausted with references of their relatives? After all, they also referred newspaper and they responded to my matrimonial advertisement. Today they are sitting here  in my home due to that advertisement only.

Both ladies of that family were just smiling as if the big man has asked a question by attaching gym weights with it to make it more heavier. Girl’s father was expression less and he was waiting for my answer with his cross legs over each other and index finger on his cheeks, other fingers on his chin as if he is listening to some problem like Sarkar in RGV’s Sarkar.

Sensing the criticality of this situation and expectancy level I wished if someone from my family was here, I knew that I had to answer this question very diplomatically so I said

Me: Well, Internet and newspaper are the fastest means of communication these days and everyone wants to save time. Nowadays internet is not requirement but it is a basic necessity. We are still looking for references from family as they can be trusted on the first place but by putting your advertisement in newspaper and your profile on matrimonial website gives you more options to explore. In earlier time it was not required but today it is required.

Both ladies were still smiling as before and scanning me from top to bottom, big man did not looked satisfied with my answer, girl’s father shifted his hand from his face and put them across his chest and for the first time he spoke to ask me another question. They all might be unaware that I was observing each thing happening in that room.

Girl’s Father: So, you must be getting other proposals?

My Mind: Of course why not? And why shouldn’t one get it? Aren’t you getting for your daughter?

Me: Yes, (sarcastically) you know we have given advertisement in newspaper so that is so obvious.

Both ladies looked at each other and smile vanished from their face. Big Man who was silent and enjoying snacks (whatever I had arranged) stopped for a second and then resumed, father of girl remained in that same position and just blinked. The scene was as if I have refused to marry their darling daughter.

Breaking the developed silence Girl’s Mother spoke for the first time

Girl’s Mother: So, Beta, what do you do in your free time?

My mind: Oh, she speaks too.

Me: By showing them my novel collections stacked in my bookshelf I told them either I read my novels or I surf Internet.

Internet, Big man raised his eyebrows when he heard this word, father was in up straight position.

They told me about their daughter and asked me whether I want to ask something about their daughter, I refused.

Girl’s Father: Ok, Ankit ji, we should take your leave now. We will discuss things further with your father.

My Mind: Interview over….relief..

Me: Okay, Uncle. Thank you.

 Aunt: Can we see your home? (Yes, she spoke too).

My Mind: Why they want to explore my place?

Me: Okay.

I showed them my place. Girl’s aunt asked me

 Aunt: This refrigerator is yours or it is provided by your Landlord?

Me: It’s Mine.

They saw other things too and discussed about that in their eye language. I felt that these ladies might be investigating which things I have with me. I went down to see off them, girl’s father left to pick his car and others were waiting for him, I was looking at Big Man, I observed that one lady moved and went behind me, from her reflection in one of the window pane of a car (to which I was facing) I saw that she was again scanning me from back side. I felt very uncomfortable, what these ladies are looking in my body?  it’s just a human body why are they staring like this? Such were the several questions which ran through my mind.

 As I was looking at Big Man I felt that he want to say something and he asked one more question

Uncle: So, how do you go to your office?

My mind: say, on bicycle.

I was about to answer his question but before I said something girl’s father came with his car and asked them to board it. They hopped on and left. This is how my interview got over by teaching me a lesson that how girls feel when somebody scan their body from top to bottom.

I don’t know what should I name this post so I leave it up to you.

Last week Saturday I was at nearby post office to send some documents through speed post. Since it was an off day for most of the people so there was a long queue on speed post counter and everyone was waiting impatiently for their turn, so does I. I saw that a attractive smart lady came in to the post office and started enquiring about something on some other counter. Later, she came to know that she has to be the part of that big queue of speed post, so, unwillingly she get queued.

She stood there for 5 minutes and being  not able to control her patience she stepped out of the queue and went straight to the counter and said “Can you please take my package, I have to go, I have a small child to take care”. Counter executive rudely said “Madam, please come in to the queue, I cannot accept your package like this. All the people in the queue will yell at me”. She turned around and asked the person who was next for billing to help her. She again said that emotional dialogue “I have to go, I have a small child to take care”. That person got persuaded with her plea and took her package for billing. All people behind in the queue saw this but nobody said anything on this and no one can say until a person has more than 4 package for speed post.

She said thanks and left the post office. I thought that “it’s okay, maybe she has a small kid who needs her attention asap”. My package got billed and I left post office after standing for half an hour.

Since it was a weekend we decided to go for a night show movie in a nearby multiplex. During interval, in the next row down to mine I saw that that same lady (who made an escape from big queue of speed post) was there with her husband and Surprise Surprise!! There was no kid with them. I was astonished to see that how smarlty <actually the word should be something different to signify that  lame act of her> she escaped that queue. She has kind of conned everyone in that line.

I wanted to go ask her “Lady, where is your child now? Doesn’t he/she needs your acute attention like in morning?” but I didn’t.

Ab ye to wohi baat he ki girls/ladies kuch bhi karein unhe sab maaf he, kabhi koi ladka aisa kare to log use simply pyaar se gaali de kar hata dete hein (like in queue at ticket counter on Railway Station, if some body goes to counter and says "Bhaiya,mera ticket le do, meri train choot jayegi" to peeche se aawaz aati he "*****/Oye Hero!! Line me aaja, hum sabki train choot rahi he"). Below posted video implies what I am saying here...

All I can say is that one can never expect such kind of thing from an smart and educated (beautiful too)person.

Note: This post is similar to my two earlier posts Sentiyapa and Emotional Atayachar.

Funny Statements on Vehicles

From the past few days I was recording those funny quotes/statements which are written on vehicles mainly on Trucks. Some of them are:

1. Rani Bana k rakh, raja bana dungi. 

2. Rani Bana k rakh, raja bana dungi,

     Pyaar se chalana mujhe,

    Ise Hawai Jahaaj Bana dungi.

3. kon kehta hai maut aaye gi aur mein mar jaoon ga, main to delhi ka    driver hoon cut mar kar nikal jaoon ga…….”

4. Buri Nazar waale tera Mooh kaala.

5. Buri Nazar waale tera bhi bhala ho.

6. Boori nazar waley tere bacchey joog joog jiye, badey hokar kacchi piye.

7. Use Dipper at Night.

8. HORN OK PLEASE

9. OK TATA BYE

10. Vikram ki baat Akram k Saath

11. Kripya uchit Doori banaye rakhe.

12. Chamcho se bachiye.

13. Titliyan Ras piti hain, Bhanwre Badnaam Hote hain,

      Galti Karta Koi aur hai , Truck Waale Badnaam hote hai.

14. Future First, Figure Next.

15. Boyfriend k saath beth kar driver ko bhaiya na bole.

16. Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur  Haryana  bhej do.

17. Dad says no race.

18. Catch me if you can.

19. It’s my mom’s/dad’s Gift.

20. If you are bad then I am your dad.

21. Bhagwaan bachaaye in teenon se, jua daaru aur in haseenon se.

22. Jio aur Jeene do.

23. Anarkali bhar ke chali.

24. Baap hai driver Beta khalasi,chal meri ek sau chhiyasi (186).

25. Bawan (52) ke phool, pachpan (55) ki mala, boori nazar waley tera mooh kala.

26. Maalik ki Zindagi fruit aur cake pe, Driver ki Zindagi steering aur brake pe.

27. Dekho, Magar Pyar Se.

28. 80 k Phool, 85 ki Maala; Buri Nazar waale tera Mooh Kaala.

I am sure there are many more but to record them may be I have to spend a night or two on the road .

My Desperate Housewife

As I was suffering from fever, body ache and coughing from last Thursday I was at home, yes.. you are right, no office before Monday which made me lying on the bed all the time like a lazy lion in its cave. Initially, I thought being at home for three days would be like a king taking part in a festival of laziness but it didn’t happened L had to work from home for some urgent issues but still I was a King in power who was getting his meals right on the bed with no help provided to queen (Palak) in preparation of those meals.

Apart from WFH (work from home) I was sleeping all the time due to the effect of meds which I took for my recovery. I saw that how desperately Palak is taking care of mine (so that I can get well soon and loose all these powers of King to the queen ;) ) and since she is not working for the time being how desperately she watch Desperate Housewives all the time on Star World. Every time I am half woken I saw Star World tuned on Television playing Desperate Housewives. Being Irritated I asked her

Me: “How many times in a day  Desperate Housewives comes on  Star World?? Don’t they have any other Tele-series to play?”

Palak: “Four times in a day and they have other series too like Joey, Two and a Half Men etc”.

Me: “Oh is it, but, why I see Desperate Housewives all the time on TV?”

Palak: “You always wake up when DH is playing so what can I do in this and what should I do when you are asleep?”

Me: “Oh..  am I sleeping that much? Btw, you should contact channel Star World and tell them that you are one of the contributor for the increase in their TRP”.

She just grinned, I thought I have already lost my authority to TV Remote control so it’s better to let her watch what she wants otherwise I will lose my only enjoyable “power to order” for the time I am sick.

Hiring and Tantrums of Kaam Waali Bai (Maid)

Note: I feel that the conversations in this post will appear best in their original language Hindi although I am writing them in English J.

Maid 1

Maid: “Hum 800 rs lenge jisme hum sirf  jadhoo pocha aur bartan karenge.

Bathroom aur balcony saaf karne ka 200 rs extra.

Mahine me 3-4 chutti, kab? Wo hume bhi nahin pta.

Hum din me ek baar aayenge, kab? Wo hume bhi nahin pta…bas aa jayenge.

Aap ghar pe nahin mile ya darwaza nahin khola to hum wapas nahin aayenge.”

We felt as if she is hiring us for the house cleaning job. After gasping this reaction from that maid’s job applicant Palak said

Palak: “Kisi bhi time aa jayenge ka kya matlab, hum kya pure din isi chakkar me hi bethe rahenge aur jis time tum aap (she didn’t dared to refer her as tum after her answer to the question ”kitne paise logi and kya kaam karogi”) aaogi us time bartan hi nahin hue to??”

Maid: “Wo aap dekho, kaam karwana he to karwao….humare pass itna time nahin he.”

Palak was astonished with this whole scene as she was new to the locality of Indirapuram. I was a silent listener till now but I took the opportunity to speak when Palak was searching for words. Telepathically we made decision that we are not going to hire her but since she was standing there like lady Dabang I played Sunil Pal’s laughter challenge joke.

Me: “    accha wo sab thik he. Hum tumhe 1200 rs/month denge jisme tumhe saare bartan saaf karne   

             he, matlab, jo gande he wo aur jo  saaf he wo bhi.

Agar tum hume pehle se bta kar chutti karogi to tumhe 50 Rs inaam denge.

Agar tum aayi aur ghar lock hua ya humne darwaza nahin khole to hum tumhe 100 rs as a penalty denge.

Subah ke time kaam karne aaogi to chai and breakfast denge, lunch k baad kaam karne aaogi to lunch denge.

Tyohar k dino me tumhe ek saari or tyohar ka inaam alag se denge.

Bolo manzoor he. Karogi kaam?

”

(Palak’s astonishment level was high as compared to the conditions put by that maid and conditions put by me. She thought I have completely gone out of mind. She was looking at me like her eyes will pop out from their place). The maid replied to my offer

Maid: “Kya Sahab, mazak kyun karte ho…aisa koi karta he kya?”

Me: “Shuruat kisne ki?”

Palak burst in to laughter making a embarrassing moment for her. She left right away.

This maid hunt started right from the day when I and Palak came back to our home after marriage. Palak asked me very enthusiastically to let her deal with the maids as I don’t have any experience in this stuff. I laughed and said Best of luck to her. After above incident she might have known the reason behind my smile on that first day of ours as a nuclear family.

Days started passing and both of us kept an eye to the maids who are coming in society. I asked few maids whether they are free to hold one more house, some said “Time nahin he humare pass K”, some said “humare pass to pehle se hi itne ghar hein karne k liye…ab kitna kaam karenge hum :0” and some said “thik he dekhte hein, ghar ka number bta dijiye, baat kar lenge wahan jaa kar ”. Those who visited our home for demo or talk left an unforgettable scene to us.

Maid 2

Maid to Palak: “haan batao kya keh rahi thi tum?”

Palak: ”Maine kahan kuch kha, kaun ho tum aur aise kaise baat kar rahi ho”

Maid: “Baat to hum aise hi karte hein, kaam karne k liye bulaya tha na tumne, karwana he ya nahin??”

Till now Palak become aware how scurrilously these maids talk and they have a union in this society to not to take less than 800 rs for cleaning dishes and moping so she said

Palak: “haan karwana to he agar tum theek se karo to, aa jao…”

Maid: “Didi!! Kaam hum A1 quality ka karte hein haan!!!!”.

Palak: “Accha thik he, karo to sahi aur ye chappal to bahar utar do”.

Maid: “Chappal nahin utarte hum, per(legs) gande ho jaate he humare”.

Palak didn’t hired her. She told me that that maid was sweeping floor as she was trying how high she can lift the dust in air and after finishing her work she went to wash basin, used soap to clean her hands (wow!! how hygienic she is, first she didn’t removed her slippers and washed hands with soap) and used our hand towel (e..e..aan…that’s something unusal).

Maid 3

Maid: “Wo neeche Bhaiya ne bola tha ki aapko kaam karwana he”.

Palak: “Accha, lekin tum kaam karogi ya phir koi aur”.

Shades on her eyes with head phones connected to her mobile around her neck, this lady was not looking like a maid at all. She entered in our home, threw  her duppatta on the sofa, placed her shades on center table. Plugged head phones in her ears and started looking for broom.

Maid: “Ye jhaadu badlo didi!!, mere ko nya jhaadu mangta he”.

Palak: “----------”.

Maid: “Dekh lo, is jhaadu se thik safai nahin hogi. Baad me mere ko mat bolna ki kaam thik nahin kiya”.

Palak: “----------”.

She was not listening what my Palak was saying as she was busy with the song sequence playing in her mobile.

Maid: “Didi!! Aapke pass wo dande waala pocha nahin he kya?? Main jhook kar pocha nahn lagayegi, mere ko kmar dard ho jaata he”

Palak: “Nahin wo to nahin he…isi se laga do”.

Maid: “Nahin, is se main pocha nahin lagaongi. Waise hum ye kaam karte nahin he….mera to catering ka kaam he”.

Palak: “To phir kyun aayi ho?”

Maid: “wo to subah ka time khali he isiliye, mera catering ka kaam to 11 baje se start hota he”.

She didn’t come from next day. This maid was throwing tantrums like in few days she is going to come by  Tata Nano J.

We were wondering if these maids in our society have some requirement document which make them to stick to a home.

I told Palak that here in this locality demand of maid is high and supply is less so these maids have their monopoly or I should say Dadagiri. These are like God to housewives so please do not supervise them or ask them to work in a particular way. We need them, they don’t need us, so, we have to make adjustments.

With such more scenes and experiences we finally got a maid who is not that much tantrum throwing but having the habit of not revealing her exact time and declaring her unexpected leave. I believe this is a “Kahaani Har Ghar ki”.

Marriage

Disclaimer: This one is on a funny note from a husband’s perspective

Marriage makes you realize that

1.      You cannot walk faster if your beloved wife is on high heels.

2.      You cannot jump out of the bed from any side.

3.      Your things are slowly vanishing as they are kept in a well mannered way by your wife at some proper place.

4.      You have to rethink about readjusting fan speed or cooling time of Air conditioner.

5.      Your home can actually look good.

6.      You don’t have access to TV Remote control anymore.

7.      Your all time is reserved for your wife.

8.      You cannot go to grab beer without her permission or without lying to her.

9.      You cannot stare girls while wife is with you.

10.  You have to get used to carry more bags being it in shopping or Travelling.

11.  You have to carry a tissue paper or handkerchief before yelling/shouting on her.

12.  Your percentage of saying "Yes" is higher than the percentage of her saying “I don’t know, it’s up to you”.

13.  You are getting free advices from her.

14.  You cannot put your towel anywhere.

15.  You come to know various things related to women.

16.  You have to go with her in Ladies section of a garment store and avoid seeing Lingerie  and chromosome XY near trial rooms.

17.  Your Marriage is coming with complimentary breakfast, lunch and dinner but you should learn cooking. It may help you sometime.

18.  Biweekly or weekly you have to go for buying groceries and vegetables.

19.  Your own siblings leaves your team and  join your wife’s team.

20.  Your friends do not call you at odd hour.

21.  Your friends talk to you very humbly when wife is around and you get astonished by getting that respect.

22.  With friends you cannot say all those words loudly and you have to mock them.

23.  Your friends always talk about your good character/nature (which they have never done before) in front of wife.

24.  Suddenly you become Uncle from Bhaiya.

25.  You are invited in functions with family.

26.  Someone is waiting for you at home.

27.  She is the one who loves jerk/geek like you.

28.  You always see her face while going to bed and wake up from bed.

29.  Her whole world revolves around you.

30.  You are the only one who matters to her.

31.  Your mother's place is now taken by your wife. Earlier you shared things with your mother and now you start sharing things with wife.

32.  …

And many more such realizations.

I believe this is a never ending list just like a never published book to understand a woman.

PS: This is based on some of my realizations and some of others.

Sentiyapa

“Saheb, we have to go Maharashtra and I have no money to fed my children, they are very hungry, please do some help Saheb, I am feeling very shameful to beg like this but I am helpless right now. ”

I heard above words when I was coming back from a near by restaurant (although there are many in Indirapuram area) with our packed dinner. For a while I thought is it the same kind of situation like Congiri or Emotional Atyachar which happened to me before? Yes it was, but, taking a lesson from that situation I enquired him more about how he came here and how he lost his money. He told me some reason for his condition which can be believed or not but my soul did not allow me to go with out helping him while I was carrying dinner of Rs 200.

Thinking/assuming that he might be  ek din ka misfortune king like I was in my dream I asked him to hop-on on my bike and took him to near by Parantha Khoka. I bought him five paranthas and dropped him at the place where he was before. My antar aatma asked me to cross check whether he is still conning or just having those paranthas with his family. I moved from there and stood at a place from where I can see him but he can not see me, he had those paranthas with family and moved from that place.

I don’t know if he went to some other place to con or if he was really looking for some food for his family but what I do know is that he had that food and spending some bucks on a hungry person do not cost you more. At that moment when he requested me to help him suddenly one of the shared photo on Facebook flashed in to my eyes which said “Hotel me waiter ko 20 rs tip dene me zor nahin padta par kisi bhooke ko 20 Rs dene me jaan nikal jaati he…. and something something…”.

May be I have helped him because I saw that photo; I believe some time a person in such kind of situation is not conning and really need helps but it is also true that “Gehu k saath Ghun to pista hi he.”
PS:Term Sentiyapa refers to a situation in which people do senti talks and make you senti to accomplish their motive or convince you to do that thing which they want you to do.