Happy Valentine's Day

My Dear Darling,

As you are in my life so my every year is Valentine’s Year, every month is a valentine’s month, every day is a valentine’s day, But as the world has assigned this day as Valentine’s day so from the core of my heart I would like to thank you for being in my life and for each and everything you are doing for me. 

I love you very much and my heart started beating for you from the moment I saw you in Agra and it will always keep beating for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

Stay Blessed.

Your’s P***u

Ankit

Inside Men Rest Room

Note: By looking at the title of this post I hope you must have get the idea about which thing this post is.So, if you don’t want to continue please stop it right here, go read something good and if you do then please read on.

I am here after a long break.Since I got married my life get super busy with all stuffs (what kind of stuff? Well, explaining them requires a separate blog entry.So, not this time) which are related to marriage but it’s good I am here today.

Working in an office with strength of 1200 employees gives lot of things to observe (a aaannn…..not that one this time :) ) apart from doing Facebook, watching TV,reading online newspaper and last but not the least assigned office work.

One day my chair’s adjustability stopped working and that day I realized how much my chair was getting molested when a person of 80 Kg used to seat at it continuously for 6-8 hours in different positions. I saw that my chair’s foam took some time to regain its original shape;So from that day onwards I decided to being kind and spare my chair by developing a habit of drinking water very frequently. Drinking water frequently makes you urinate frequently and your trips to Rest room.

Going to Rest room frequently forced me to observe the sign board (HE,HIS, KING, MALE Symbol etc) and other things happening inside it. Sometimes the door itself welcomes me and let me in (like a shopkeeper does when his regular client comes ;) )…wondering how…it happens when a person pulls the door of washroom to come out of it. Well, on stepping inside I observed following things:-

1. All mirrors were busy with people standing in front of them. Some of them were washing their hands and some of them were restructuring their hair style. The reason behind using word “restructuring” is mentioned in point 5.

2. Some people just come to quickly wash their hands with out using soap, some barge in to check themselves in mirror, adjust their clothes, adjust their hairs by making their fingers as comb or use comb if they have it.

3. Some are inside the wooden cubicles,

3.1 Making loud bombardments and wait outside area to be silent i.e. wait when no one is outside so that they can come out with pride feeling light without hiding their face otherwise they come out quietly, with head down seeing no body, wash their hands and get out of rest room as if they have committed some crime.

3.2 Did it quietly, come out with pride and attitude as if they have won a war or delivered a project before deadline.

4. Some were seen fighting with paper towel or hand dryer.

5. Some people were seen restructuring their hair style, making spikes using water or a small sachet of hair oil to look dude. These are those who get plenty of time only for their looks. They comb their hairs again and again until it satisfy him.

6. The most busiest area is Urinals. You can see different styles or gestures here:-

6.1 Some people do it by putting both hands in their pockets as if they have instructed it to always aim to the right place :)

6.2 Some people do it by putting one hand at their waist and looking upwards in the air and feels as if they have reached to heaven.

6.3 Some people do it by looking left and right making others uncomfortable.

6.4 Some people do it in a very jolly mood by singing a song.

6.5 Some people do it by looking around and starts talking if they saw any known person next to him. I think this should not be allowed, no one should come between you and your pee.

6.6 Some people do it while talking on phone or laughing loudly making others think “Is anything wrong what we are doing here”.

6.7 Some have plenty of time to do it, they put their hand on the partition of two urinals, slightly bend towards it and look straight and release.

6.8 When all Urinals are occupied some people sacrifice their chance to get urinal if the boss comes in the queue while some dies to get that chance.

 

I believe there are such more things which remain inside the four walls of rest room. I Hope you have enjoyed it.

Flow Chart of Arrange Marriage Process

Since the day I got engaged I was planning to make a pictorial representation of this process in form of a flowchart which involves various steps which I took for my arrange marriage. After jotting down all the steps on a piece of paper finally below it is…

Next Gen

Its been a while since I wrote here but I was planning to write about this right from the moment when I came back from my Panipat trip during holidays on 15th August.

I went to my Mausi’s to meet all of them and spend time together, especially, my cousins who are 9 and 8 years old. When I reached there and enjoying my evening tea my 9 year old cousin asked me “Bhaiya, are you on Facebook?”. I was amazed by this question from a 9 year old girl and I intentionally said no to see her reaction. To this, the 8 year old cousin said “Bhaiya, I know you are lying, this is not possible”  I asked him “Why this is not possible?”, he said “you are a computer engineer and you work in a computer company so you must be on Facebook” with the agreement nod of his sister. Well, I didn’t asked her why she gave such logic but I refused her about the fact that I am on Facebook.

After some time, I was resting in guest room and  of course I was checking my mails and Facebook, both of them came and caught me on Facebook. They said “Dekha, humne kha tha na ki aap jhooth bol rahe ho. Bade log kehte hein jhooth nahin bolna chahiye aur aap jhooth bol rahe ho, aapko sharam nahin aati jhooth bolte hue..” I was clean bold on this and said “Aisa kuch nahi he….this Facebook is not good things for children like you… children should not use it”. The younger one said “Why Bhaiya, we have our friends on it, we can do lots of things”. Whoa!! these little ones have their friends too on Facebook.

Once they saw that I do have a Facebook account, she asked me to add her on Facebook, She typed her name in the search box and showed me her profile. I asked her

Me: Who is this girl in your profile pic?

She: Kya Bhaiya, you don’t know her? She is Hannah Montana!!

On a serious note,I was not aware who is Hannah Montana till the moment she told me.

Me: Nahin, I don’t know who is she?

She: Bhaiya, Hannah Montana comes on cartoon network and she is Miley cyrus who is also a singer in real life.

Me: Oh, now I got it who is she but why you have not put your original pic in your profile?

She: Bhaiya!! don’t you know that girls do not put their original pic on social networking websites?

OMG!! From where she is learning all these girly stuff which actually is correct.

Me: No, I don’t know, why so?

She: I don’t know, one of my friend in school told me

Me: Oh, that’s why you put Hannah Montana’s pic. But, from where you come to know that she is Miley cyrus? Did your school friend told you?

She: Yes, Hannah is my favorite and I searched about her on Google.

Now, there was no point in acting strange about Google in front of these two so…

Me: Google…hmm… so you know about using Google.

She: yes Bhaiya,we use google.com to search about our subject.

He (who was silent): I searched about an essay topic which my madam gave me as Homework using google. It is very useful.

I was quite amazed to see how much these two know about the things, both of them know how to operate a laptop and use Internet.Now, I realize why parents in US and Europe needs Parental control in almost every media related things.

Their Mom called them downstairs, after 5 minutes I saw that she accepted my FB friend request and after a minute, I got a gmail chat invitation (she must have got my gmail id from my FB profile page), I got a video chat incoming call from her after I approved her chat request. Both of them started giggling from downstairs and started mocking me with the photos of me and my fiancée which I uploaded in my FB account.

One of my other cousin who is 9 years old has started using the modern lingo on the FB like she used to write

so what as so wat,

for sure as fosho,

Happy Birthday as Hpy Buday

Ouch as aawwcchh.

I wonder whether she has changed/modified these spellings in her mind as well or it is just for the online purpose (I don’t think so).

I was thinking that how fast this generation is going by using all these facilities and how and where they would be after 20 years.

Shining India needs Parental Controls too.

Respowersibility

 

On 26th of July (Yes, you are right…on my birth day) I was coming back to Delhi in Taj Express from Agra (after spending the wonderful day or to be honest, after celebrating my birthday in a most fantabulous way with my fiancée. Oh man!! what the day it was… well, that is not the part I am gonna scribe here) and in the train I came across a man who was actually using his power (the position power) for someone. Stan lee said, power comes with great responsibility

I was seated on my reserved seat and in the same row just two seats aside an educated,sophisticated middle aged man was seated who also boarded the train from Agra. From his attire and gadgets I barely took a minute to get that he is from IT industry and he is at some kind of Senior position. I didn’t paid much attention to him after all he is not the only one who requires my attention so I shifted my eyes from him to other things in that coach (you know what I am talking here ) and then came back to my novel which I was carrying with me but antenna of my ears were overhearing the conversation of that IT guy who was talking to his team mate about his project deliveries,deadlines and other bulls**t.

I was very much indulged in my novel and my ear’s radar was trying not to intercept voice signal emitted from this guy but I was not able to read when I heard a loud conversation between him and his colleague, may be his junior or may be his team mate. I was not able to hear what the person on the other side of phone [poosp] have said but I guessed what he might have said to him….

Boss: Bhaad me gya project and Bhaad me gayi deadline.

Poosp: something something.

Boss: Dekho, I don’t care… I want that person to be out. I don’t need that sluggish useless person anymore.

Poosp: something something.

Boss: You just do what I am saying to you, talk to HR and prepare his resignation for asked to leave. If you want then I can write a mail to HR right now.

By all this conversation I got the hint that this man is going to fire that person. I started thinking about that person, whatever may be the reason behind all this is it really necessary to fire that person from the company. A manager has the power to recruit a person and also to play game with that person but does firing is so required?

This man was deciding the fate and the very next morning events of that person by adjusting his big round ass on the accordingly small seat of train and he was not thinking for a moment that what that person is gonna do when he will come to know that his boss has shown his position power.

I wanted to go to this person and say to him “Please calm down, it is a matter of somebody’s daily bread…please think calmly….is firing the only option you have got…may be you can release him from your project so that HR can decide what to do with him.” but I didn’t did so. Instead, I started staring him just to make him realise that I am getting all the things about which he was talking on the phone.

When I was staring him, he saw me and he continued

Boss: You just inform him to go for a three days leaves with immediate effect. I will write a mail to him for this keeping HR in CC.

Poosp: Something something.

Boss: When he will come back after three days then HR will handover him the pink slip and he is out.

Poosp: Something something.

Boss: talk to Prashant, take his feedback in mail and keep in CC.Once I get this mail from him I am gonna send this to big boss right away.

Now we can say that this is may be one of the disadvantage of smart phones or blackberry which can actually decided somebody fate instantly.

I continued to stare him, I looked at him from top to bottom then bottom to top and made a very weird expression just to show him how big asshole he is. I knew that this act of mine is not going to change the fate of that person but still I can do this only from my side. That man continued blabbering on his smart phone for another two hours and I continued staring him with different time intervals.

What I think is that may be that person has done something so big that his boss is not able to tolerate but still is firing the only option left. A boss has the position power but he also has the responsibility towards his team members and his project.

Power and responsibility (Poweresponsibility or Respowersibility) comes with a big deal and we must use it in a manner which is right for all not for individual.   

Étrange

 

We never know what our life and fate (lemme combine these two words in one and call it “lifeate”) has decided for us. We only see our present, react accordingly but our lifeate knows our future and for that different things, moments, situation comes across us in day to day life to teach a lesson every day.But, we being a cool and careless chap don’t care to see what lesson our lifeate wants to give us behind anything….. chod na yaar…kya funde de rha he….don’t take life seriously….aa chal…let’s have a beer,take the world and paint it red…

Well, that was jokes apart .Most of us believe that every thing is pre written and when such prewritten thing comes across or happens to us we feel Étranged Strange. One such thing happened to me today when I was shopping in a Garment store.

As most of you know that I am now engaged and behind this there was a big typical arranged marriage process which has five to six stages in total (Explanation of stages will come sometime in other post).So, two months back on a very fine evening of Sunday I met a girl with her parents at a coffee shop in Noida for the same purpose, meeting went well for both side but later on something didn’t worked so this chapter get closed and my process of arrange marriage again took U turn to start from stage one.

Today that this girl came across me in the same store when we were walking towards each other from the opposite direction (Face to Face) . In the very first glance I was not able to believe that she is the same girl to whom I met at that Coffee shop but to confirm that she is the same girl I looked at her cell phone which she was carrying with her (Actually, she has a very fundu cell phone, when I met her for the first time and got the chance to talk to her in private i.e. when her parents left us for a while to talk then the very first thing I said to her “Hey that is a very nice phone, which model it is?”) and got confirmed.

As we came closer we both knew that it is a situation in which we can not ignore each other, so, she smiled, so do I and I was asking my brain to tell her name. She was just three steps away before she say anything and I was still jolting my brain to give me her name. The moment she said “Hi!!” I said “Hello ######” (don’t think I abused her with that hashed word, I can’t reveal her name so it is mapped with hash character ) and the conversation followed as mentioned below:-

######: Hello!!, You are…..

Me: Ankit.

Like all girls, she didn’t remembered my name (Girls, no offence please).

######: Ya, Ankit…so how are you?

Me: Well, I am pretty good, thanks, how you doing?

######: I am fine, just doing some shopping.

Me: Yes, I can see it.

######: So…..

Me: So….

An awkward situation in which both of us were fighting to find more words or to end the conversation. Thirty seconds passed with no further exchange of words with sharing of smiles towards each other along with one of the Lady Gaga’s track in background .Finally she broke the silence and out of curiosity she asked…

######: So, what’s going on at your end?

I knew what she means to ask but I said..

Me: Everything is going fine.

######: O.K. Good and what about your arranged marriage process? Is it still going on?

Now she came to the point.

Me: Well, No, Its over, I am taken.

######: Oh!! good….Congr8s… Best of luck for your new future life.

Me: Thanks!! and Best of luck for you too.

######: Thanks.

Now, it was time to end it….

Me: Ok, I hope every one is fine at your home. I didn’t thought we could come across like this. It was nice to see and talking to you again. I should take your leave if you don’t mind.

######: Ya, sure, I also didn’t expected it. Every one is fine at home and I hope the same at your side.

Me: Yes, they are. Bye.

######: Bye.

I moved to billing counter queue and thinking about what had just happened and why did it happened, what’s the purpose of it….with my eyebrows and shoulders lifted towards sky and lips making an expression of étrangeté I said… “Who cares about the lifeate lesson behind this…..let it go..” paid the bill and walked out the store.

Such situations are really strano and Lifeate bhi na pta nahin kab aur kahan kis se aamna samna karwa deti he.

Smoky Time.

 

“What the hell is going here? what these loads of vehicles are doing here?”…. was the thought in my mind when I was crossing JSS Engineering college (I usually cross JSS Engineering college on my way back to home from office). Later on, I realized that these vehicles were parked outside JSS college due to the semester exams of Uttar Pradesh Technical University.

How can we forget UPTU and its semester exams which are used to happen in Dec/Jan and May/June of every year. It is like we have just passed out from this university but in reality its been 5 years now since we became graduate from this premier university (premier word used of course in sarcastic way).

Time has really passed out like a rising smoke from a fire. All those days and time started to flow in front of my eyes when guys from Electrical and Electronics branch came out of examination hall with plane face and song “ye kya ho gya rama re….”  on their lips. Some times the same situation happens with guys from other branches also.

Each and every student has a same question to vice chancellor of this university “Saale tere baap se bhi ye paper solve nahin hoga to hum kya ghanta ukhaad lenge is paper me? padhaoge UP board k school jaisa and paper banaoge IITian waala”

There is a saying for all graduates from UPTU: From this university if you have passed your graduation with out a single back(supplimentary paper)  then your degree is just a waste. Getting back from UPTU baba is a chamatkari prasad (a divine offering) which bless you to have a good and successful professional life.

Each and every moment spent in our college life is precious and unforgettable. Some times I feel…

“Those were the days and those were the time when we used to enjoy and dance on our own rhyme.All those moments and all those weird  whims became a smoke which get flown with the wind of time.”

I hope every UPTUian feels in the same way.